30/07/18

Dear diary:

I feel I'm making a countdown to the end of my life. So much homework I haven't done... It's unfair. I want to learn so many things BUT NOT THINGS LIKE LITERATURE, DISCRIMINATION AND THOSE THINGS.

Yesterday I put a message in my whatsapp status saying: "if I bother you telling you my life then please don't answer this status" only 4 people answered... It's really sad considering I had 30 contacts.  It made me think what am I thinking telling my life to everyone. One was my best friend, well obviously I love her. She is really funny, I'm really glad she finally found someone who loves her back. I don't talk much with her boyfriend but he is a good person. The next one was a friend who you could consider she "betrayed" me. So things may be a little awkward. Well at least for me. But she came crying to me even if the motive wasn't I guess a betrayal. And the other two were people I don't talk much: the boyfriend of my best friend and a friend of a really funny friend of mine lol. *sigh*
I'm just learning that I really don't have friends. I just have two friends and the others are just people I hang up with who like me as a person. But they don't care about my well being or something like that...

So anyways... enough of the sad text that's why I'll end up telling more things here. I would really like to put images like my whatsapp status. I considered even to have twitter account or instagram. But I discovered that sometimes that account is linked to your cellphone number. I don't want my "friends" to know  about this blog. I don't even know why I'm doing this. I started this as a form to express myself and maybe others could think the same things as me, maybe they are on the same situation. I also don't think as writing the whole thing in a notebook where my mother could find it. Well at least I write in english...

Well the point is that I'll stop with whatsapp status... It's for my own good I guess also because I have the habit of telling weird anecdotes that they don't even appreciate....

I thought of doing some modifications to this diary. Yes I'll call it a diary now. I already got into the habit of writing every single day so I'll just name it, just like Anna Frank (but not Kitty that is her name of her diary lol). I think she is a huge inspiration of mine. I'm glad I can tell you these things without me being scared of being judged because I think you'll understand every single thing I tell you. I have huge hopes of this diary I want it to make it a little bit famous. Of course I'll work hard to give you more pages of recommendations, reviews and those things. When I start university I'll do a page only dedicated to international business and language made by none other than a student. I don't know why adults talk in such a complicated language. I feel so motivated today. I'll also make another blogger application because here... I cannot do much. I just write as If I was on notes.

This blog is a way of starting a new life when I have views I'll think of it as entering a society of new people.

YOU KNOW WHAT I DID TODAY? NOTHING. I JUST DID ECONOMY HOMEWORK, ONLY THAT, AND I HAVE A LOT MORE HAHAHAHAHHAHA I'M FALLING INTO INSANITY KILL ME

29/07/18

Can't believe I only have three more days until classes... VACATIONS WERE PERFECT.

Today I went to my best friend's birthday saw so much anime that I almost forgot homework... Hybrid Child and Orange

I finally finished an assignment! Science! But I have a lot more... oh god

28/07/18

I woke up at 3 o'clock. Just great. I had a nightmare about going to school and not completing de homework. I was panicking in my dreams. I remember myself running to the bathroom and waiting for the bell to ring, then, I called my mother so she could come pick me up as soon as possible.

I had an idea about a blog post of my favorrite beatmap on osu. I'm already ranked 201 000 on th world I feel professional lol.

27/07/18

*sigh* Why the days need to pass so quickly? I'm really stressed about homework even if I read Les Liasons Dangereuses and watched Les Moissons du futur a little bit. I just want to play otome games or read... I'm just doubting what I'll do on the future... My plan was to originally go to France and study international business for Asia because I really like the culture there but I want to take a programming course in there too because I actually want that writing code becomes a part of my career... I just need to continue with the bac... I just feel that my professors hate me for being absent on exams way too much. It's not my fault, I get stressed way to easily and in that time I needed to get everything done for my septoplasty... I spent all my vacations on rehabilitation. I haven't recovered completely but I'm way better. Now the problem are... the braces.... My self esteem was horrible those days this year was the worst in those terms. But of course the school won't take the time to look for that they just care if you are healthy so of course you have to "lie". It is technically not a lie because I'm sick not physically but psychologically. Though at least I don't have depression. One friend was really struggling on those terms I feel bad for her. She had to leave school early. She now takes graphic design courses and is happy, well at least really better. She even has a boyfriend!

This day I struggled a lot eating because of the braces... Well I guess I still look better with these, I just have to cope with them. 

I'm really happy of the habit of making a diary even if I still forget to post... I write in the day and not in the night because if something happens I feel I'll forget. Hopefully I can sometime show my diary to my kids (if I have any) or my next generation it will be funny but memorable. Though getting pregnant seems scary, I just have 16 years old so. It will be cute to adopt someone though but for that... I have to win enough money. Life can be so difficult and making others happy is way more difficult.

Today I had some ideas for my blog. I litteraly want to make recommendations of everything that I like so don't expect me talking only about otome games or something like that. Here are my ideas:
     - How I'm learning german this 2018
     - My Japanese Progress with Genki
     -  Book recommendations and my goodreads
     - My favorite videogames
     -My life as a peruvian, anecdotes and the reality they never tell you

I watched the movie So I married an Anti fan *sigh* good and funny love stories. It is great you should check it out. It also shows the sad truth of writers I guess. 

I forgot to tell you that my mother bought today a doll. I thought of nameless immediately. The story of how she bought it is really sad. We live in Peru where poverty is a sad truth even at the capital... An old woman was selling dolls. My mother bought it because of pity, the doll was the last one so she could go home. She sold it at only 5 soles that is 1.5 dollars... I don't play with dolls anymore so she put the doll in the closet. This reminded me of nameless a lot it is so sad. Nameless makes you think what dolls think even if they can't move exactly as a plant. She said she is gonna give it away to a friend in work so they could give it to their daughters. But thinking about it those types of daughters in mid 2018 dont like those types of old dolls not even me. I feel so sad thinking that that doll may end up in the trash. It hurts my soul. Hey if you are an adult and have kids please just give them one doll they have to care for one like it is a friend they cannot replace it and tell them what I think they will start thinking.

26/07/18

Today I went to the dentist, I finally got my new brackets they are so cute. They don't hurt so I'm okay (until now), though if I bite it hurts a little bit, it isn't much so I'm still happy. I got another book by Agatha Christie and I just read 15 pages but it is really good.

25/07/18

I woke up at 5 am, finally I start waking up at a normal hour. Of course nameless couldn't be missing... I'm almost finished with the game, I'll miss it a lot. I started with science homework but I really haven't done much... Today I'll go to another friend's house, she doesn't go to school anymore because she is going to move to Canada. She'll give me some of her notebooks, her notes will come up pretty handy later of the year... I hope I have time for completing all my homework...

7:21 of the next day: I finished nameless and I feel a huge gap in my heart ;-;

24/07/18

Somehow after being really tired yesterday I woke up at 4 o'clock and decided to study some german and read a little, VERY LITTLE. When I was playing nameless my mom entered my room and saw Yuri shirtless, it was super embarrassing but she didn't say anything. At that moment I wanted to die of embarrassement, Red's route gives you the feeeeels, I wanted to cry several times. After playing, I had to take some x-rays for my brackets, hopefully everything is alright... I really want to get them this thursday, I read a bit waiting but the book was in french so I couldn't focus. Everything written in french reminds me of school... I haven't done anything I'm panicking. I finally got a haircut, I look prettier. I'm really surprised my self esteem is great right now. At 4 pm I went to my best friend's house, it was really relaxing and funny. She told me that a friend of mine who I thought had a boyfriend likes someone else(? I really don't get her... First of all, how does she know so many guys? I just know 5 guys lol. Sometimes I think it's a waste of time but it really is cute when you get to know someone who cares about you and just wants to hug you... I'm playing too many otome games and a lot of friends are now in a relationship, maybe that's why I'm like this. I never had a boyfriend before not even my first kiss but I truly feel that I'm tired of love, it's just too difficult and I'm tired of trying. Maybe my rhinoplasty and brackets will help but I keep comparing with others. I'm just never happy with myself. Brackets please come this thursday!

23/07/2018

I woke up at 2 30 am, and played Red's route. Updated my top otome games, practiced some german on drops and duolingo. My level of obsession has grown A LOT I save everytime Lance talks in red's route, I just need more content :'v

Today, I went to the dentist this thursday I'll have my new brackets so I'm really happy even If I know It will hurt but oh well I'll endure the pain. I purchased three book two historical fictions and a romance one... Because I'm stupid I didn't notice it was a sequel to another book that looks none other like twilight... I'm done I wasted my money on that good bye world. Ok no too dramatic. I'll actually give it a chance I'll search for the pdf of the first book and then read the rest... Hopefully I just don't end up losing time.

I'm excited about tomorrow because I'll see my best friend uwu.

22/07/2018

I write here the 23rd of july because yesterday I couldn't find any time, anyways....

I woke up at 8 pm and started searching about blog creating. I wanted to add music but failed miserably even if I searched a lot of videos. I'll do my own guide later if I succeed but I think the best option is to learn html language. I'll see when I have time. Later, I played nameless and FINALLY finished Tei's route I thought Tei was another crazy boy like Yeonho but his route ended up being pretty adorable.

At 2 am I started searching a bit about my TPE (in other words Travail Personnel Encadré in french). I have an oral presentation when vacations end but I don't know what to talk about... I sent a message to my friends with who I'm working but they didn't tell me anything. OH BUT MY FRIEND IS REALLY GOOD AT TELLING ME: You haven't done anything. It is actually kind of true lol but It is because I honestly didn't know. I searched about it 1 hour and went back playing.

At 5 am I finally got my bandages off from my septoplasty/rhinoplasty. I really can't believe that is my nose though it has some bruises until now but oh well. I spent the rest of the day taking selfies lol but I'm too embarassed to tell anyone that. I started Red's route later. My mother brought some "chifa", "tres leches" and tamales. (I don't really know the translations of this words...) "Tres leches" is my second favourite cake of all time it was great. My mother also bought me a french book she found at only 5 soles (peruvian money). It normally was 6 euros. I'll start reading it after I finish Ana frank. I finally slept at 2 pm even if I woke up for 1 hour at around 9 pm.

My experience creating a blog 21/07/18

Blog experience

Oh blog creating... I thought starting a blog on wix before Blogger and I spent 2 hours trying to create this blog. Wix was very pretty though difficult to use. Blogger was way easier, though I don't really like the design, tomorrow I'll change it if I have time. You need to buy a domain on wix if you want to see your analytics, I don't know much about it but I know it will be useful on the future. I'm new to web creating (ironic since I wanted this to become my career some months ago).

21/07/18

13:31   Today I had a nap around 8 - 10:30 am and I dreamt about Lance * - * he is MY FAVOURITE otome game character from Nameless: The One thing You must Recall. For some extrange reason he was living in the basement of my grandparents house (even if they don't have a basement) I'm obsessed ;-; I'm playing Tei's route at the moment, this boy is crazy but I swear cheritz (the company who created Nameless) should get more recognition.

Also i'm obsessed with the lance's ending song. spoilers so I recommend playing the game first.

15:54    I watched a movie about a pedophile (random movie from YouTube) with my mother while reading Ana Frank. I'm trying to get into the habit of reading so I started reading some classics. I have a french assignment, I need to read Les Liasons Dangereuses from Choderlos de Laclos. I just procastinated for 2 weeks... still have 1 week left...

20:44 Just woke up from a nap. I remember that in my dream I did something stupid and a friend from school laughed at me. It is cold I want to sleep more but the dehumidifier is way too loud

First Post: Just who are you?

My name doesn´t matter, who will remember it anyways in a few years? I'm not even an important political person such as Trump or a famous activist...
Well... we can start with that, i'm just a normal student. I guess with stress, friends, family problems (not really idk) and your typical adolescent who wants to break free from the education system. Describing yourself in a few words sure is difficult. In here I'll talk about what I did throught the day (like online journaling i guess) maybe post some recommendations.


I'll try to update every day even if my day was rather boring (you'll judge by how long is the post) on weekends if I don't have time (you know exams and those things, maybe there'll be days I'll just make tons of mistakes if what I have to say is way too long (Don't judge my typos plz ;-;).

I'm that kind of person who tells her whole life but there are things that I just forget to tell and maybe talking a lot about myself gets on the nerves of some people that's why I decided journaling. Maybe this blog isn't of any interest to some people but I'll try to make some variety not just telling my personal life and I also think writing is a good hobby (mostly if english isn't your mother's tongue so, sorry if I make mistakes... even if my english teacher said I had a proper english lol). I wanted to start blogging some time ago but, today 21 of july, I saw a video where one person bought a strangers diary. I thank this person who, even if she wrote about mundane things was, I guess an inspiration to start this blog. I won't make this blog to personal (you know security and stuff) so if I talk about somebody in here it's probably a nickname I invented.

I'd like to keep this blog as a journal and maybe soon in a conversation(I'll make some questions even if no one is here to answer them). You may ask, why I called this blog not your typical girl blog? Well in 2018, girls my age normally go to parties and date boys and that kinda stuff so I, who doesn't care about that and act more like a boy (that doesn't mean I'm a tomboy) doesn't fit into that category at all. So just by the title I wanted to tell you to not expect your stereotypical (is that a word?) girl who talks about that.

I'll try to update every night before sleeping so I hope becomes a habit. I finished writing this at 10:51 in the morning this is the end of my presentation I'll let you learn more about me in other entries. Expect one this night.