31/10/2018

Dear Diary:

It's been a long time since I don't write to you on the computer. I've been "studying" for the BAC but my love for games is way more bigger lmao. Though I'm recently asking myself why I like them so much. I'm stressed. Today I have to buy something but I don't know what. I recently read Everless by Sara Holland. Now is one of my favorite books. I've been trying to read other books. Mostly those eight books I bought from my school but nothing can compare to that awesome book. I'm now officially an addict to pokemon. I learned so much. I didn't know what were IV's before and I'm surprised that many people spend thousands of hours of their lifes having the greatest pokemon. I, in other hand just want to complete the pokedex. There is this breeding process. But, I'm not able to have enough patience to capture 1 female and male pokemon to breed. The most powerful pokemon are even rare so why should I breed common pokemon like pidgey? (I hate that pokemon) Anyhow, I got a bad note again in my science exam. What is wrong with me? Everyone says is the most easier exam for the bac. Why I'm not capable of getting at least a 15? I'm sure I got an 11 or so. God I feel so embarrassed. My teacher even laughed at me the day of the first exam. What is happening to me? I know I really don't like to study but everyone sees me as intelligent when I'm not. Why do I have that image? Ugh, I hate it. I need to study A LOT for the french Bac.

On other point, I haven't been watching so many animes apart Jojo's Bizarre's adventures and a little bit of shingeki no kyojin, but I'm hearing anime music 24/7.

25/10/2018

Dear diary;

Can't believe days pass so quickly. I need to study (again) for economy tho I'm really tired. I just want to read everless or play the otome game of Office Lovers. It is really funny lol.

24/10/2018

Dear diary:

Remember that sale I told you about? Damn, I wasted a lot of money last week. Nevertheless, I bought 8 books at the price of one. Look at that. Tomorrow I have a science exam. I'm reading Everless by Sara Holland. It's great. Hopefully I can finish it today. Guess who isn't going to sleep! Oh god... I should...

19/10/2018

Dear Diary:

Today I woke up earlier than usual. I woke up at 3 am. I have lots of homework. Ups. I just stayed two hours seeing YouTube. The night is so refreshing and calm. I just want to play an otome game all of a sudden.

I already did SOME homework. I just remembered that I have an exam today. Great. I hate math recently. I'm eating my breakfast. It tastes like vomit. No, it's not poorly made. It's me with every food they give me. Tomorrow there will be a sale.

18/10/2018

I feel I'm getting worse. I remember when I started this blog I was really determined to become a better person. Sadly, lately I've been feeling low. I don't have motivation fir anything. Classes are stressful and boring. I just had a 8.5 in the bac. I'm scared of not approving the subject. I will lose my scholarship for being an idiot. I try. I don't want to do anything. I had a bad grade in japanese. Ugh. What will I do in the future? Maybe if I start a YouTube channel of gaming and stuff I may have more opprtunity of being recognized. Obviously, I won't record my voice. Being recognized by people I know will be embarrassing. They call me idiot. Of course. I have no motivation to go with them. They invited me to halloween. Why? If you don't treat me good now in school. Why would you treat me good out there? I know I always act happy... but... you think I lie. Hey blog. Lately I've been loving literature. But I suck at it. They will make fun of you if you aren't good. Hey blog. I told them I wanted to learn violin. They laughed at me. Of course. They don't think I'm capable. Why are people so annoying but so kind. You get in love with them anr they don't notice. I just want someone to hug. My best friend. I'm worried about her. I feel impotent. I want to help her. I want her to become what I can't. That happened to me with my cousin though I think he has a problem. I want to read lately. But I'm scared to think I won't understand. Why am I like this. I don't want to eat anymore. It's not delicious like before. I feel I gained fat. I don't do sports. Thanks mom. If I continued going to physical education I would had cried. I'm horrible. I'm not normal. Would I be able to graduate? Would I be able to work? Would I be able to have a family? Those are dreams. Easy for some. For me... difficult. I fear what will happen. I want to rewind.

I've been thinking. If I was reborn into someone more prettier. My life would had gone better.

"We don't do it for you, is also for seing him". Yeah I know. So if you want to go see him you. I don't want to go.

11/10/18

Dear diary:

I just woke up. It's so cold I want to vomit. I've been feeling like this since last week. My dreams are really stressful now.

10/10/18

Dear diary:

Of course we needed to lie about the reason why I was absent. Ugh. I feel so bad. I look at my notes and I want to cry. Seriously I need to be perfect. Why am I sleepy? I should read. I hate the fun they make out of me. Today I was searching for my ruler, a friend of mine said: "What are you searching for? Your brain?" Of course I had to laugh. I want to ridicule all of them. Someone had a 20 in italian. I want to crush them I never got a 20 so why? I made lots of mistakes today in my homework. A 19. Everytime. On physics? A 10/20. Hah he said. Why you make fun of me you don't know my life? I love playing videogames but I should take things more seriously. My exam is on november. It is october. Ugh. Die.

9/10/18

Dear diary:

Anxiety welcome!
I've been studying this weekend a lot for what? Today I didn't go to school. I feel so bad. So so so bad. I had my oral exam with a good teacher. What will he think about me now? I'm sorry I'm not good.

2/10/2018

Ugh today I feel like shit. I'm so sick but I have to go. Yesterday my mother bought me a nintendo <3. I'm gonna play with it a lot now. There are so little good games in there so I hope I can complete them all. I bought luigi's mansion. I'm still thinking what game to buy next but I don't know. Maybe animal crossing new leaf? Shin megami tensei 4? Or maybe even a pokemon game? (Those are long...). I need to have some money first... what to do....

1/10/2018

Dear diary:

Wow.... october, how scary. The year is gonna end in two months and my bac is on one month. I need to study a lot. I'm getting closer to a school comrade. I go study in her house every weekend. We somehow manage. I find that when I study in group i'm able to learn more. I woke up early because of a nightmare. A new virus had spread and everyone turned into a weird zombie form that looked like this guy with the ring in The Lord of The rings. I also dreamt a classmate betrayed in I don't remember what anymore. I always hates that classmate anyway. Well somehow I managed to survive that but in the news I saw they wanted to kill all of the zombies that meant some of my friends and classmates. Well you know "friends" but they are. Or that's what I hope. School is really interesting but the amount we need to study is really stressing. I need to work on writing faster. I couldn't finish any of my exams. Nevermind that. Yesterday I had a dream where I played with a nintendo 3ds. I had one but it broke fast. My mother told me I could get a new one. I'm really happy but that will be the weekend and I need to study for the french bac! So much to do. I hope I have a good note...