18/10/2018

I feel I'm getting worse. I remember when I started this blog I was really determined to become a better person. Sadly, lately I've been feeling low. I don't have motivation fir anything. Classes are stressful and boring. I just had a 8.5 in the bac. I'm scared of not approving the subject. I will lose my scholarship for being an idiot. I try. I don't want to do anything. I had a bad grade in japanese. Ugh. What will I do in the future? Maybe if I start a YouTube channel of gaming and stuff I may have more opprtunity of being recognized. Obviously, I won't record my voice. Being recognized by people I know will be embarrassing. They call me idiot. Of course. I have no motivation to go with them. They invited me to halloween. Why? If you don't treat me good now in school. Why would you treat me good out there? I know I always act happy... but... you think I lie. Hey blog. Lately I've been loving literature. But I suck at it. They will make fun of you if you aren't good. Hey blog. I told them I wanted to learn violin. They laughed at me. Of course. They don't think I'm capable. Why are people so annoying but so kind. You get in love with them anr they don't notice. I just want someone to hug. My best friend. I'm worried about her. I feel impotent. I want to help her. I want her to become what I can't. That happened to me with my cousin though I think he has a problem. I want to read lately. But I'm scared to think I won't understand. Why am I like this. I don't want to eat anymore. It's not delicious like before. I feel I gained fat. I don't do sports. Thanks mom. If I continued going to physical education I would had cried. I'm horrible. I'm not normal. Would I be able to graduate? Would I be able to work? Would I be able to have a family? Those are dreams. Easy for some. For me... difficult. I fear what will happen. I want to rewind.

I've been thinking. If I was reborn into someone more prettier. My life would had gone better.

"We don't do it for you, is also for seing him". Yeah I know. So if you want to go see him you. I don't want to go.