Hey lets talk a while

Dear blog

So these days have been horrible. A whole week without an answer to an email made  me think everyday about suicide great. Seriously been thinking a lot (and reading) don't you find it frustrating to know that your life depends on what will happen after you die? I mean we want peace but we cant thinking about the afterlife. I mean everyone says someone who commits suicide is a coward. But that coward actually went through a lot. And his only moment bravery was his final decision to pull the trigger/ jump of the bridge/make the final cut, etc.

Ugh life goes on but you dont want to wake up

Idk

Idk what I plan to do with this blog anymore. Before, I relieved my stress of school but I don't go to school anymore so I'm depressed and with lots of anxiety. Everyday I wish I could reset my life from when I was a kid and choose another school. I think this way I could have had more friends and lived a peaceful normal life. Maybe wishing to go to Japan was a mistake? They aren't responding.... I'm stressed. I want to make new friends but I don't have anyone anymore. I don't get out often so I don't know what to do. I wonder how my family is so chill about it. The only thing I do now is watch anime. I even lost my interest in gaming somehow. I lost interest in everything I loved. That's depression right? I'm doubting if I shoul study international business. I mean I don't even look good in a suit but my mother says otherwise. I want to study a simple career and discover by myself what I want to do while I'm alive but if life had to end like that I wouldn't mind at all you know.

Zero Escape series

1) 999



2) Virtue's Last Reward

 Ally or Betray?


3) Zero's Time Dillema

Decision Game.

31/07/19

Dear Diary,

I haven't been able to write to you this year. Recently I thought about erasing all my diary entries but it is interesting to read my thoughts from the beginning of the year or last year.
Ok so update.
This year I haven't been able to watch anime. The only anime that I'm still currently watching is The Rose of Versailles. My history lover self is so impressed by this anime though I wish the anime shows more romance and the difficulty of Oscar by being a man. Nevertheless, this anime really piques your interest in the French Revolution. KILL ME NOW BCSSSS I didn't watch any jojo episode, my old self is gonna be so mad at me.

Ok, so? Good news maybe? After long thinking (2 weeks to be exact), I came to the conclusion I needed to drop school If I wanted to fulfill my dream in Japan. Hopefully this is not the wrong choice. I'm worried about my mother. My social life has crumbled since that decision, I don't go out anymore and I fear that is becoming lethal for my mental health. I need to speak to the director soon maybe in 2 days. I know the bac is useful to have a career. I will graduate later because of my decision, but... I'll be happy. I'm glad. I won't be stuck with a culture which I hate. I'll tell you more about my travel. I need to learn some coding skills to not become a burden to my mother. Meanwhile, every night I study some Japanese I even get tired of it. Those times I wonder if I made the right decision. I won't go to Europe anymore. I'm worried of my physique. If I'll be able to integrate the country. I'm so thin and tiny AND kinda black (I'm latina but with no curves). So yeah... this will be difficult.

Books? Ha ha ha.... Ok so I haven't finished A SINGLE BOOK since last year. I just start them and leave them behind. I have a new book (yeah another) called Makioka Sisters by Junichirou Tanizaki. At the beginning it was pretty boring and difficult to read but now (since page 50) it has become really interesting and you really want to know more about this family.

Going back to my social life. I think I lost contact with my best friend. That's sad but... I'm starting to think she was a little toxic, but you know? I don't have more friends. What do I do now? I'm special maybe but I can't be fully honest with someone. On good news remember Nakima? She wanted to talk with me again! I think I'm kinda cold with her, but it will be weird if I just act all happy with her. Hopefully our friendship develops she is truly a kind girl (who started dating my crush lmao) but who cares about that?

Ni no Kuni II

Story: If you haven't been able to play the first game as me don't worry too much as it isn't necessary to enjoy this game at all. With a beautiful and heartwarming storytelling, Ni No Kuni II does it again, we start the game as Roland, the president of some country, who is in a car trip to go to a meeting. Suddenly an explosion blows the whole city (literally) and Roland wakes up in the world of Ni No Kuni II at the royal chamber of our young king Evan Pettiwhisker Tildrum.

Review: I played this while I was on winter vacation last year, the story is really simple but it truly melts my heart. (Like Ghibli movies lol).

Post-game: Lots of missions and trophies. You really need to grind hard in the faraway forest cave to 100% complete this game. It's a pain but worth for the platinum.

All DLC's by release date:

The Lair of the Lost Lord DLC: see the trailer
The Tale of a Timeless Tome DLC: see the trailer

In my opinion they aren't worth it. They are extremely grinding based and reveal little storyline.

Venting out mid 2019

Dear diary,

All right so this is what happened...
Dropped out of school...
Don't believe it? Me neither. Are u ok? No, but I don't how to feel. You know? Because of this I discovered that ALL of my friends weren't really my friends... They were there just to pass the time... Now that I'm mentally sick? Wherw are they? I don't get it. I'm so confused. Everyday I feel miserable. How can I get out od this loop? Not even gaming makes me feel better. Maybe music. But after that? What shall I do. Help.

7/06/2019

Dear diary:

I've been wasting 8 hours on my mental health ugh why am I so stupid. I don't even know why I'm sad. Is this being depressed? What do I do? I don't know? Can I just throw everything away? Can I find someone who understands me? Can I find something that I like doing every single day? I don't know... I'm just tired I guess...