Dear Diary:
Today I woke up earlier than usual. I woke up at 3 am. I have lots of homework. Ups. I just stayed two hours seeing YouTube. The night is so refreshing and calm. I just want to play an otome game all of a sudden.
I already did SOME homework. I just remembered that I have an exam today. Great. I hate math recently. I'm eating my breakfast. It tastes like vomit. No, it's not poorly made. It's me with every food they give me. Tomorrow there will be a sale.
I feel I'm getting worse. I remember when I started this blog I was really determined to become a better person. Sadly, lately I've been feeling low. I don't have motivation fir anything. Classes are stressful and boring. I just had a 8.5 in the bac. I'm scared of not approving the subject. I will lose my scholarship for being an idiot. I try. I don't want to do anything. I had a bad grade in japanese. Ugh. What will I do in the future? Maybe if I start a YouTube channel of gaming and stuff I may have more opprtunity of being recognized. Obviously, I won't record my voice. Being recognized by people I know will be embarrassing. They call me idiot. Of course. I have no motivation to go with them. They invited me to halloween. Why? If you don't treat me good now in school. Why would you treat me good out there? I know I always act happy... but... you think I lie. Hey blog. Lately I've been loving literature. But I suck at it. They will make fun of you if you aren't good. Hey blog. I told them I wanted to learn violin. They laughed at me. Of course. They don't think I'm capable. Why are people so annoying but so kind. You get in love with them anr they don't notice. I just want someone to hug. My best friend. I'm worried about her. I feel impotent. I want to help her. I want her to become what I can't. That happened to me with my cousin though I think he has a problem. I want to read lately. But I'm scared to think I won't understand. Why am I like this. I don't want to eat anymore. It's not delicious like before. I feel I gained fat. I don't do sports. Thanks mom. If I continued going to physical education I would had cried. I'm horrible. I'm not normal. Would I be able to graduate? Would I be able to work? Would I be able to have a family? Those are dreams. Easy for some. For me... difficult. I fear what will happen. I want to rewind.
I've been thinking. If I was reborn into someone more prettier. My life would had gone better.
"We don't do it for you, is also for seing him". Yeah I know. So if you want to go see him you. I don't want to go.
Dear diary:
I just woke up. It's so cold I want to vomit. I've been feeling like this since last week. My dreams are really stressful now.
Dear diary:
Of course we needed to lie about the reason why I was absent. Ugh. I feel so bad. I look at my notes and I want to cry. Seriously I need to be perfect. Why am I sleepy? I should read. I hate the fun they make out of me. Today I was searching for my ruler, a friend of mine said: "What are you searching for? Your brain?" Of course I had to laugh. I want to ridicule all of them. Someone had a 20 in italian. I want to crush them I never got a 20 so why? I made lots of mistakes today in my homework. A 19. Everytime. On physics? A 10/20. Hah he said. Why you make fun of me you don't know my life? I love playing videogames but I should take things more seriously. My exam is on november. It is october. Ugh. Die.
Dear diary:
Anxiety welcome!
I've been studying this weekend a lot for what? Today I didn't go to school. I feel so bad. So so so bad. I had my oral exam with a good teacher. What will he think about me now? I'm sorry I'm not good.
Ugh today I feel like shit. I'm so sick but I have to go. Yesterday my mother bought me a nintendo <3. I'm gonna play with it a lot now. There are so little good games in there so I hope I can complete them all. I bought luigi's mansion. I'm still thinking what game to buy next but I don't know. Maybe animal crossing new leaf? Shin megami tensei 4? Or maybe even a pokemon game? (Those are long...). I need to have some money first... what to do....
Dear diary:
Wow.... october, how scary. The year is gonna end in two months and my bac is on one month. I need to study a lot. I'm getting closer to a school comrade. I go study in her house every weekend. We somehow manage. I find that when I study in group i'm able to learn more. I woke up early because of a nightmare. A new virus had spread and everyone turned into a weird zombie form that looked like this guy with the ring in The Lord of The rings. I also dreamt a classmate betrayed in I don't remember what anymore. I always hates that classmate anyway. Well somehow I managed to survive that but in the news I saw they wanted to kill all of the zombies that meant some of my friends and classmates. Well you know "friends" but they are. Or that's what I hope. School is really interesting but the amount we need to study is really stressing. I need to work on writing faster. I couldn't finish any of my exams. Nevermind that. Yesterday I had a dream where I played with a nintendo 3ds. I had one but it broke fast. My mother told me I could get a new one. I'm really happy but that will be the weekend and I need to study for the french bac! So much to do. I hope I have a good note...
