Hey lets talk a while

Dear blog

So these days have been horrible. A whole week without an answer to an email made  me think everyday about suicide great. Seriously been thinking a lot (and reading) don't you find it frustrating to know that your life depends on what will happen after you die? I mean we want peace but we cant thinking about the afterlife. I mean everyone says someone who commits suicide is a coward. But that coward actually went through a lot. And his only moment bravery was his final decision to pull the trigger/ jump of the bridge/make the final cut, etc.

Ugh life goes on but you dont want to wake up

Idk

Idk what I plan to do with this blog anymore. Before, I relieved my stress of school but I don't go to school anymore so I'm depressed and with lots of anxiety. Everyday I wish I could reset my life from when I was a kid and choose another school. I think this way I could have had more friends and lived a peaceful normal life. Maybe wishing to go to Japan was a mistake? They aren't responding.... I'm stressed. I want to make new friends but I don't have anyone anymore. I don't get out often so I don't know what to do. I wonder how my family is so chill about it. The only thing I do now is watch anime. I even lost my interest in gaming somehow. I lost interest in everything I loved. That's depression right? I'm doubting if I shoul study international business. I mean I don't even look good in a suit but my mother says otherwise. I want to study a simple career and discover by myself what I want to do while I'm alive but if life had to end like that I wouldn't mind at all you know.